Tag Archive | wonder

Gang Stalking – Let the tears come.

Tylenol

Tylenol (Photo credit: raspberries1)

Breakfast

Breakfast (Photo credit: brixton)

cry

cry (Photo credit: the|G|™)

This morning I woke up feeling feverish and chilly, and felt a lot of stomach pain. And totally exhausted.  I did not feel like getting out of bed, but I forced myself to get up and have breakfast.

After breakfast, I took a Tylenol and walked around trying to feel better.  But I didn’t.  I still felt awful, and decided there’s no way I’m going out today.  So I made my way back to bed.  It was really good to be under my cover.  The warmth made me feel a lot better.  I laid my head down, and the tears came.  I didn’t cry, the tears just came down.  And I let  them come.

I thought of my mother and about how much I miss her.  And I thought how many times did she cry silently, and  I wasn’t aware of  it.  I’m sure my mother cried a lot of silent tears, but I never saw them.

I know why the tears came.  I’ve forced myself to keep going no matter what.  To write my blog, and be.  No time for tears.

With all the stress I’ve been experiencing lately, I didn’t  let my guard down.  It’s go, go and do what has to get done.  There are people all over the world who have worse lives than I do.  At least I have a place to sleep, eat, keep warm, so I shouldn’t feel sorry for my self. I should be grateful for what I have.

But the constant harassment never lets up.  It’s electricity hitting me all the time, being followed every minute, cars honking, people constantly laughing at me with their smirky laughs, at night someone unlocking my door, hacking into my computer, my phone, filling my apartment with terrible smells, clothes disappearing from my closet, people aping everything I do, etc.  It gets very tiring.  I never get a minute to just relax and think.

To just sit and think is a luxury for us targets.  It is a luxury we’re not allowed.

Every minute, it’s make them miserable, drive them crazy, make them want to end their lives, do something that will make them commit a crime so they end up in jail, or in some mental hospital.

There is no time for crying, or we won’t survive.

But our bodies know us better than we know ourselves, and they come to our rescue.  They make us cry and let out all the nasty stuff building up inside of us.  If we don’t let out the tears, we would explode.

So I’m grateful for the tears.

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Gang Stalking – Almost thrown out of the library again…

English: The main reading romm of Graz Univers...

English: The main reading romm of Graz University Library (19th century) on 2 Sep 2003. Picture taken and uploaded by Dr. Marcus Gossler. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I knew it would happen.  The first day that I returned to the library, I got on a computer right away.  And there were like four or five people in the library. The second day I came back, I had to wait for three or four people before I got on the computer. And there were just a few more people  in the library.  And today, the library  is overrun with people.  People  fill the magazine section, the tables all have someone sitting in the chairs.  I had to wait in a long line to get on the computer.  And I almost got thrown out of the library again.

The creep sitting next to me was hitting me with electricity. I tried, I really did, try to keep quiet. But I didn’t succeed. I said to no one in particular something about all the perps in the library. The creep next to me  got angry and  said I called him a loser.  He said he was going to report me.  He left and came back with two librarians.  They asked me to get up, and follow them.  I did. The librarians asked me if I had called the man a “loser.”  I said I had said the word loser, but I didn’t say it directly to him.

The losers wouldn’t try this with anyone else, but they know we’re targets and no one will believe what we say.

The librarians believed me and told me to be a little more careful in how I say things, and how loud.

I replied that I wasn’t the one screaming, the man was.

The librarians told me that both of us would be thrown out of the library if either one of us said anything else.

I said okay and went back to my seat.

I really do try to keep my mouth shut, but the unfairness of the situation makes me speak up. The perps can surround me, hack my computer, hit me with electricity, annoy me and get away with it, but I have to sit quietly and behave like a good little girl.

Being a New Yorker,  I learned long ago not to let anyone step on me.  It’s a lesson I learned well. I guess I just have to learn to put a zipper in my mouth, otherwise, I’ll be thrown out of the library again.

I wondered how long it would be before I was thrown out of the library.  I wouldn’t place any bets on myself.

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