Tag Archive | physically

Gang Stalking – Trying to find my place in this hideous new world.

English: Pants and legs.

English: Pants and legs. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Legs

Legs (Photo credit: Renato @ Mainland China)

Legs

Legs (Photo credit: Renato @ Mainland China)

leggy legs

leggy legs (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Physically, I’m just worn out. How much abuse can a body take? At all times of the day, I’m assaulted by electricity. Mentally, I’m all right, but my body’s taken a beating.  My knees, back, bottom of my  feet are a mess.  I have veins running down my legs; veins I never had before. I used to wear shorts, but I no longer do.  I don’t  want anyone to see the awful looking veins.  I used to love my legs.  I thought my legs were one of my better physical features. But if you  were to see me in my shorts, you’d turn away in disgust.  And I wouldn’t blame you.

It makes me sad to see myself slowly falling apart. I do my best to keep myself in top physical shape, but the electricity is winning. It is stronger than me.

It’s amazing the changes I’ve gone through in the last four years. I’m no longer the person I used to be. I walk around trying to figure out who this new person is. Trying to find my place in this hideous new world I haven’t invited in.

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Gang Stalking – Is this life worth living?

Evil emoticon

See Image:Gold doorknob.jpg
See Image:Gold doorknob.jpg (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

If I sounded a little paranoid last night, I have reason to be.  All the lights in my complex were turned off. All week-long, I’ve had trouble with my water. I’ve had rocks thrown at my door.  People knock at my door, and when I open the door, there’s no one there.  Wouldn’t you be paranoid?

Anyway, last night, as I wrote was, was dark.   I had lights in my apartment, but all the lights outside the apartment were dark.  In the dark anyone can do anything.  And I wouldn’t put anything beyond the perps.

I awoke today to dribs and drabs of cold water.  No hot water again.  And the cold water lasted only about 2 hours and then it went off.  No hot and cold water again.  The perps  keep playing their baby games.  They think everything they do is just so funny.

The hot and cold came on about an hour ago.  I wonder how long  it’ll last this time.

I’m truly getting sick and tired of all the b.s.  Why can’t these freaks just leave me alone?  If they want to be freaks, why don’t they join the circus?

Last night,  just as I was about to fall asleep, I heard someone turn the door knob.  I quickly got up from my bed and put a bunch of stuff near the door to keep someone from breaking in. I put my chair, books, bottles full of water, anything that would make noise if it fell.  I didn’t sleep all night.  I couldn’t relax.  I was too stressed.  My body wouldn’t let me sleep.

Something’s got to give. I can’t keep living this way.  It’s hell every single day.  If I had someone living with me, I’d have someone to fall back on, but being on my own, there’s no one I can turn to.  So far, I’ve managed to stay sane, but we all  have our breaking  point.  I really  don’t know how long I can put up with all the b.s.  It’s really getting to me.

How much punishment can a body take?   I’m just physically and emotionally tired.  I’m tired of getting my body zapped, never being left alone, followed everywhere.  Not a moment to just think and dream;  always being on guard?  This kind of tension is not good for any body.  I’ve managed to stay healthy in spite of everything done to me.  How long will it be before my body begins to rebel?

I keep asking myself: is this life worth living?  So far the answer has always been yes, but maybe I’ll reach a point where it’ll be no.  Because, really, I want some joy in my life. And there’s no joy in my life.

How can people be so evil?

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