If I don’t go out for one or two days, I get a little down. I just want to stay home and not go anywhere. I don’t want to get dressed, take a shower, eat. But I force myself out the door. I know if I don’t go out and get some exercise, I’ll regret it. I feel so much better taking a long walk than just sitting on my ass. Exercise just gives me that extra push. So if I don’t exercise, I feel rotten right away.
But after being home one or two days, I think of the perps out there just waiting for me to come out. And I think that I have to look at their faces and listen to their loud laugh, makes me want to hide. Hide from the world and not have to put up with their stupidity. I know what they’re going to do to me. I know in a normal life that I wouldn’t know what’s going to happen to me, but it’s something I would not be thinking about. I’d be thinking about who I’d be meeting; who I’d seeing a movie with; who’d I’d be having a nice meal with; clothes I’d buy; getting together with family, friends. My way of looking at the world was different.
Now, every time I go out, I have to get myself ready to put up with the perps. I have to put myself in a mood so that nothing that they do bothers me. In other words, I have to become a zombie. I have to let go of all my emotions. I can’t get angry. I can’t smile. I can’t speak with anyone. I have to watch everyone. I can’t let my guard down for a minute, because if I do, they might steal my phone, camera, money, book, food, cut the handle to my handbag, rip my jacket. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve come home and found that they’ve ripped my handbag strap. Or that my phone is missing. Or they’ve taken my camera. Or there’s a ripped in my pants.
And when I think of going out after two days of staying home, and think of all the b.s. I have to put up with, I’d rather go right back to sleep and hide from the world. Even though being at home isn’t so great, either. I’m annoyed at home as much as when I go out, but at least at home, I don’t have to look at the perps’ stupid faces.
P.S. I thought you women would enjoy looking at the men. I know I do.
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