Tag Archive | heart attack

Gang Stalking – But some things are not forgivable. Deliberate cruelty is not forgivable…

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English: Several pieces of fried chicken.

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Well, I guess the man next door is here to stay.  He disappears for most of the day and then returns somewhere around 1 o’clock in the morning.  And all night long, I get hit from his apartment, upstairs, the cars outside, and other adjacent apartments.  The hits I get feel like a pulsating heart.  There’s a pounding in my back and all over my body.  I worry about my heart being hit all the time.  What if they hit my heart, I’ll be dead, or worse, get a heart attack.  I guess I’d rather be dead than have a heart attack.  At least if I’m dead, I won’t have to put up with all the b.s.   I’m really not living.  I’m really just existing.  I ask myself sometimes “is this life worth living”? The answer is definitely a “no”.  But then, someone is kind to me and I think that life is worth living.  I tell myself that not everyone is as evil as the people who surround me.

Yesterday I went to the store; I needed food.  At the store, I ordered some chicken, fried chicken, which I rarely eat.  The man at the counter was very nice, not phony nice, but in a humane kind of way.  The chicken cost $3.99 for four thighs and 1 leg, the special of the day.  So  I ordered the special. The deli  man gave me my order and I thanked him.  I could tell he knew who I was, but he was still very kind.  I could see the kindness in his eyes and the way he spoke to me.  I didn’t check to see what he put in the bag.   Later, when I got home, I looked in the bag.  He’d  filled my bag with four chicken breasts and four big thighs and charged me the same price as for the legs and thighs.  My bag  felt heavy, but I did not give it any thought.   I knew the man was kind, but how kind,  I  didn’t know.  What a nice thing to do for someone.  I have to go back and thank him.  It is people like him that keep me going. If it weren’t for people like the deli man’s  kindness  to me every once in a while, I probably would have given up on humankind a long time ago. And probably on myself, too. I have to constantly remind myself that there are kind people in the world, but with all the evil I have to put up with every day of my life, it’s hard for me to remember.

Things have not gotten better for me by any means.  Things have gotten worse day by day.  There are more gang stalkers after me now than before.  I no longer believe that humans are inherently kind; that’s not been my experience.  My experience has been one of people who are evil.  And they enjoy being evil to someone who they can do anything to and get away with it.  It is in their evil smile, the way they  walk, their smugness of self.  The smugness of feeling they’re better than me because I’m considered persona non grata.  Now I know how Martin Luther King felt.  They did the same thing to him.  But I’m sure his treatment was worse.  They killed him, of course.  There’s no doubt in my mind that the government killed Martin Luther King.

Here’s a line from a “Streetcar Named Desire” quoted by Blanche DuBois: But some things are not forgivable.  Deliberate cruelty is not forgivable.  It is the one unforgivable thing, in my opinion…and I agree with Blanche.  Deliberate cruelty is unforgivable, whether by government or gang stalkers.

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Gang Stalking – I’m not going to let them win!

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Everything  I typed was erased, so I’ll have to start again.  This is what I’m talking about.  The bastards are at it again.  Sorry about the language.

I haven’t been writing my blog because I’ve gotten out of the habit of writing.  When I write I have to deal with a lot of stress.  Whatever I type usually gets erased.  I can feel my blood pressure rising every time I type something.  I’m afraid I’ll suffer a heart attack.  But in spite of what the gang stalkers have done to me, I’ve been able to keep up with my blog.  They haven’t been able to stop me from writing it, and I’m not going to let them win. I took some time off to de-stress.   If you like my blog, you’ll be seeing a blog from me.  I miss writing, and keeping in touch with my readers.  A lot of  times you readers have kept me going.  I thank you all.  And now I’m back!

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Gang Stalking – PostaDay 2011 – How do you define your identity?

The Near-future sense of the Present simple

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Pain in acute myocardial infarction (front)
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I think most people change according to what happens in their lives.  Every event that occurs changes us in some way.  Let’s say someone has a heart attack.  He no longer sees life in the same way.  Or a man’s marriage breaks up.  He longer sees marriage, family, love in the same way.  His identity will change with what’s happened to him.  And it is with me.  Since the gang stalking began in my life, I no longer can identify with my former self.  My perception on life has changed dramatically.  My views on politics, religion, family,  love, etc., no longer identify who I am.  I’m a totally different human being.  I’m not as kind as I used to be.  I’m more outspoken than I used to be. I’m less afraid of the what the future holds for me.  I live in the now.  Because the now is what counts.  Not yesterday. Not tomorrow.  Now is here.  I have to live in this moment.  I have to enjoy the moment as much as possible, because I don’t know what the next moment is going to bring. So I now live in the present, and try not to think about what the future will be like. The future will arrive sooner or later, but my life is in the moment. That’s how I identify myself.

Countdown: 34 blogs to go.


Gang Stalking – Off Topic – PostaDay 2011 – What’s the smartest thing you heard this week?

Yesterday, while I was waiting for the bus, along came a man wearing a santa suit.  He was in a wheel chair and had to be helped and  strapped into the seat  by the bus driver. At first I  thought he was a nut. But as I looked at his Santa suit, I found it very interesting. He had dozens of beads of all colors around his neck, and on his back, he had tiny, green Christmas bells.  So I walked over to  him and asked him if I could take his picture.  He smiled and said sure.

I took a few pictures of him and then we proceeded to talk to each other.  He told me that one day he was in bed and he got a very sharp pain starting from his right arm diagonally to his left arm.  He  managed with all the pain he was feeling to get to a phone and call an ambulance.  He was taken to the hospital and given pain killers and put to sleep.  When he awoke, a doctor was sitting by his bed.  The doctor told him he’d had a heart attack and the heart attack had left him paralyzed.  The doctor said that he would not be able to walk or  use his hands or live a normal life again. 

When he heard the prognosis, he got angry.  He was able to move his middle finger and he used it to tell the doctor where he could go.  No one was going to tell him what he could or could not do.  He told me it had happened ten years ago.

Since then, he’s living life as fully as possible.  He’s not able to walk, but he wants to be an example to people who have heart attacks (That’s why he wears his santa suit).  He wants  people to know that because they can’t walk doesn’t mean they have to sit at home feeling sorry for themselves.  He’s still able to work as a Las Vegas oddity.  He goes to events where famous people appear and gets autographs from them and then he’s  able to resell them for money.  He’s doing all right.  He’s not rich, but he keeps himself busy. He’s  able to appear in shows such as CSI: Las Vegas as an extra ( He was telling the truth.  I goggled him and it shows him appearing in CSI.)

He had been a wrestler and in perfect physical shape.  And now, he’s in a wheel chair.  Not able to move.  But he has a very positive attitude.  In his wrestling days, he was called  “Moondog”.  And now he’s known as Disco Santa.   He began to put lights around his wheel chair so people could see him coming and not run into him at night.  As the years went by, he added more beads and lights and that’s how he became known as Disco Santa.

He had once been famous and now he’s crippled, but it hasn’t stopped Disco Santa from enjoying life.  He has a really good outlook on life.  He told me he can be found on Las Vegas Boulevard, near the Flamingo Hotel, doing his thing  for the tourists. So, if you live in Vegas, or visit Las Vegas,  go see Disco Santa.  He’ll be hard to miss. And you’ll walk away smiling.

That’s the smartest thing I’ve heard this week:  to always keep a positive attitude no matter what happens.  Disco Santa certainly knows what he’s talking about.

Oh, by way, you can see Disco Santa on Youtube.com/VGP54.

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