During a holiday, I always looked back to the past. To the past when when I was living a normal life and celebrated every holiday. Now, every holiday, I no longer think of those past holidays. What I think about, is the things that occur in my every day life.
I think of the time I spent the night on a park bench. I’d left my sister’s house because living with her was hell. So I moved to a motel. The motel was a horrible place and I left it. I went to another motel, but while checking in, I realized it was going to be no better than the one I left. I went to a few motels, but they were also awful. After all the walking, I saw a bus bench and decided I’d just stay on the bench and find a motel in the morning. Let me tell you, it was scary. I had a few men come over and try to get me to leave with them. All night long, I stayed up. I did not sleep at all. I was afraid someone would come and rape me, or steal all my things. Finally, daylight arrived and I went in search of a decent place to stay.
And then there was the time, a few days after arriving in Las Vegas, when walking home, I saw a group of Asians, and as I got closer, a woman aimed her phone at me to hit me. The asian man, who was standing next to her , said, “Don’t do that to her. Those people are harassed 24 hours a day. Leave her alone.” The asian woman replied, “I don’t care.” and proceeded to hit me. The man said, “I used to do what you’re doing, but I stopped. I couldn’t continue treating people that way.” As I walked by the man, he kept looking at me and looked deep into my eyes. I silently thanked him and he nodded his head. That’s one of the few times in four years, I can remember running into a decent human being.
And then, shortly after arriving in Las Vegas, I waited for the bus under a shopping center shelter. A man who saw me waiting, said, “Get off my property.” I replied, “This is not your property and I’m not leaving.” He continued, “Get off my property.” He kept telling me to get off his property. And we went back and forth for about three minutes. Finally, I said to him, “This is not your property. The woman who owns it is Filipino, and you’re not Filipino.” He was a black man. He replied, “That’s my mother.” I replied, “You look like you have no money.” When he heard me say this, he got really angry. He took his left foot and kicked my back. I bent down to get away from him and he kicked me in the shoulder. I ran into one of the stores and called the police. A lot of good that did me, since the man ran away, and when the police arrived, they didn’t believe anything I said.
So, instead of thinking good memories of my past life, my memories are of the horrible things I’ve suffered in the last four years.
The holidays don’t exist for me anymore. The holidays are just another day for me to avoid getting beaten, and to ignore all the people who harass me every day.
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