I was thinking about some of the bad things that have occurred in my life.
Of course, my mother’s and father’s deaths really hit me hard. My mother’s death especially, since she died after my father. After my mother died, I felt lost. I identified so closely with her. After she died, I had no connection to anyone and a darkness came over me.
And I remember the time I entered an elevator and a man pulled a gun on me. He called me a bitch and told me to hand over my wallet. Of course, I did what he said. A year later, the postoffice returned my wallet to me. The thief put the wallet into the postoffice box.
And then, there was the time I was crossing the street and a man ran me over with his car. He tried to beat the man next to him to the light. He knocked me down. I passed out and, when I awakened, I was on the street and I could feel the car tires rolling over my legs. I was afraid to move because I thought something really bad happened to my legs. But I finally got the courage to move my legs and they were okay. To this day, my right leg still hurts.
All of the above things are terrible things to happen to someone, but, nothing, nothing is as terrible as what’s happening to me now. In two of the above, I was lucky.
But nothing, nothing is bad as the gang stalking, except for the loss of my parents. If I ever thought in my wildest dream, I’ d have this happen to me, I’d definitely would have chosen a different route in my life. I think about all the choices I made. Why didn’t I go right instead of left? Why did I ever move to Las Vegas? Why didn’t I just stay in New York? Why didn’t I marry the man who asked me to marry him? I could have lived in Europe. Why did I move where I did? Why? Why? Why? My life would be so different.
Since my life has led me to where I am, why? Why am I here? Am I here to learn something? And if I’m to learn something, what it is that I’m supposed to learn? Is the rest of my life going to be miserable as it’s been? Am I never to have some joy in my life? Am I going to be alone for the rest of my life?
I guess I took the road less traveled and I’m paying for it. I remember seeing a video of Frank Sinatra singing “regrets, he had a few.” I wish I could say the same.
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