Today I was thinking about how my life could have been different if I’d traveled a different road.
I had a boyfriend, who I loved very much, but we did not get married. Whose fault is was, I can’t say. This is what happened.
He’d applied for a job overseas without telling me, and he got it. He didn’t ask me to go with him, and I did not ask to go with him. One day out of the blue, he asked me to marry him. This is the way he asked: I don’t want you to feel I’m leaving you behind, will you marry me? This was not the way I thought a proposal would occur. I didn’t like his wording: leave me behind. I said to him that I wouldn’t marry him. I told him I wanted a man to marry me because he loved me and not because he was leaving me behind. He didn’t say anything, and we went on dating. I found the reason insulting.
He left for Holland, and I stayed behind. He came back in December of the same year. While he was here, he asked me one day: Do you want an engagement ring, or a camera? I was into photography and my camera broke. Again, I didn’t like his wording. I picked the camera.
He went back to Holland, and we kept in touch by phone. He wrote me a letter a week. I wrote him back, but not a letter a week. In many of his letters, he told me how much fun he was having in Holland. After a while, I got annoyed he was having so much fun, and I was living such an ordinary life. When he sent me a letter, I would read some of it, and put it aside to read another time.
He came to visit me again, and told me he was getting married to someone else. I couldn’t blame him; I’d refused his offers of marriage.
Years later, I got back into reading the letters he’d sent me. In one of the letters, he’d again asked me to marry him. Since I had not read all letters through, I hadn’t read the part about him wanting to marry me. He never said anything about the letter, so I had no idea he’d proposed to me again.
Why in all that time didn’t he just come right out and ask me to marry him? Why? Why couldn’t he just ask me on the phone? Why did it have to be by letter? Why couldn’t he just sit down, look me in the eyes and ask me to marry him?
So my advice to you men: if you want a woman to marry you, just look her in the eyes and ask her pointblank. Don’t connect it to anything else. It doesn’t work. Anyway, it didn’t work for me. I’d still do the same thing.
By the way, if there are men out there who can explain to me why you men do this, I’d like to know. Thanks.
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