I realized I was an adult when I moved into my first apartment by myself. My mother had always taken care of everything. She paid the bills, cooked for me, took care of washing my clothes, woke me up in the morning, shopped for food, etc.
Now, I was on my own. I didn’t realize what a responsibility it was taking care of myself. I had to buy furniture for my apartment. I had to make sure the apartment was clean or no one else would clean it. I had to go to the laundromat and wash my clothes. I had to shop for food or else I’d have nothing to eat, unless I wanted to spend money on fast food (which I could no longer afford). The rent had to be paid on time or else I’d end up in the street. I had to wake myself up in the morning or else I’d be late for work and lose my job. The phone, electricity had to be paid on time or else they’d be shut off.
It was a rude awakening. I thought I’d have a lot of freedom and do whatever I wanted. I could do whatever I wanted, but all that freedom came at a cost. Not only that, at the beginning, it felt very lonely to be by myself in the apartment and have no one there to talk with.
Moving into my first apartment by myself made me realize I was an adult and no longer a child. Those carefree childhood days were over for good.
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You are still a child in many ways, playing with multiple false personas online, avoiding the emptiness and deformity of your soul.
You have the character of a child that never developed a conscience…